The Pain That I Live
by Summing up the Stars
Summary: A LOT of Kai angst! Warnings : blood, rape, non-con incest, mention of attemped suicide, contimplated suicide, angst, angst, angst. Please RR I CALL FIRST Kai(humanoid) Dranzer. DONE
1. Last Resort

Disclaimer: I don't own this it would be pointless to sue me.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
Last Resort :  
  
  
  
  
  
Kai crept to his room and silently shut the door. He could handle beatings just fine, if you beat someone for a long enough time they become numb to it. Mental and emotional abuse was harder to deal with though. It stung, although popular belief said that he had no emotions, believe it or not, he did.  
  
/Cut my life into pieces This is my last resort Suffocation No breathing Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding This is my last resort/  
  
The sides of his face were discoloring rapidly from being hit so many times. His grandfather.............no that monster was no reletive of his. Kai caught sight of his reflection in the mirror across from him. Haunted garnet eyes stared back at him. "Stop staring at me" he muttered throwing the alarm clock at the mirror, shattering it. "Shit, I'm going to be beat for that, I should probaly clean that up or I might get cut" he thought to himself, as he started at the shattered reflective pieces. Kai all of a sudden started laughing, a haunting histarical sound. Here he was worring about cutting himself on the mirror pieces as he was already bleeding from various parts of his body.  
  
/Cut my life into pieces I've reached my last resort Suffocation No breathing Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding Do you even care if I die bleeding? Would it be wrong? Would it be right? If I took my life tonight Chances are that I might Mutilation outta sight And I'm contemplating suicide/  
  
He was broken inside and out. Kai started picking up the mirror pieces, paying no attention as the shards dug into his hands drawing even more blood from his battered body. He dropped the shards into the waste paper basket and turned around.  
  
/Cuz I'm losing my sight Losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Losing my sight Losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine/  
  
He jumped as he saw the monster (AKA- his grandfather) behind him. "So you broke something of mine. You must be punished" The monster said looking at Kai with lusty eyes. Kai's own eyes widened in fear. ' No.....not again' Kai though backing away from the monster. SLAP. Kai, already weakened by the prievious assults, hit the ground as the monster backhanded him. He felt the familer fear and panic as he felt the monster tearing at his bloody garments. The familer helplessness. Dranzer couldn't even help him. Tears welled up as he thought of his beloved beyblade and bit beast, now broken as he was. He recieved another slap as the monster saw the liquid eyes. There was nothing he could do now to save himself.  
  
/I never realized I was spread too thin Till it was too late And I was empty within Hungry! Feeding on chaos And living in sin Downward spiral where do I begin? It all started when I lost my mother No love for myself And no love for another. Searching to find a love up on a higher level Finding nothing but questions and devils/  
  
PAIN! Gods did it hurt, each thrust he was ripped open more, his screams didn't matter, the monster seemed to actually like them. 'WILL HE NEVER BE DONE!!!' Kai's mind screamed as wave after wave of intense pain washed over him. The monster had taken him raw, again. Finally, just as he was on the verge of blacking out, the monster pulled out of him. Blood immeditly pooled out, staining the area around him. The monster left, leaving Kai in agony, disgusted with it and himself.  
  
/Cuz I'm losing my sight Losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me in fine Losing my sight Losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Nothing's alright Nothing is fine I'm running and I'm crying I'm crying I'm crying I'm crying I'm crying I can't go on living this way/  
  
Finally he allowed himself to do what he hadn't done in years. Tears poured down his face, mixing with the crimson fluid making it look like he was crying blood. He reached over the bedside and his hand searched for the waste paper basket. It tipped over as he pulled out two of the bigger pieces of the shattered mirror, watching it reflect his torn image in it's surface.  
  
/Cut my life into pieces This is my last resort Suffocation No breathing Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding! Would it be wrong? Would it be right? If I took my life tonight Chances are that I might Mutilation outta sight And I'm contemplating suicide?  
  
Kai raised the glass piece, ready to plunge it into his wrist, when he caught sight of the picture of the bladebreakers. He could almost hear Them telling him he was a coward. That this was the cowards was out. None of them knew of his abuse at the hands of the monster, and he had to much pride to tell them or ask them for help. He didn't want to go on without Dranzer. Kai felt a warmth at the back of his mind. Kai looked bewildered for a moment then it sunk in, Dranzer had never left, even though his beyblade was smashed. He knew what Dranzer wanted him to do. Kai carefully pulled on some clothes not caring if blood spilled on them.  
  
/Cuz I'm losing my sight Losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Losing my sight Losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Nothing's alright Nothing is fine I'm running and I'm crying  
  
I can't go on living this way Can't go on Living this way Nothing's alright/  
  
He should of had the courage to do this long ago. "Tara, Takahashi" Kai called with a raspy voice from all his screaming. The head maid and the head butler ran in. "Master Kai," Tara started, she couldn't go on due to the fact she looked loke she was going to start crying any second. Tara and Takahashi were more like parent to him the the monster ever was. They always wanted to help him whenever he was being hurt but Kai had always told them not to. He cared too much for them. He didn't want them hurt. "I can't go on like this" Kai stated. Takahashi opened his mouth to say something, and Tara's eyes widened, but Kai held up a hand to finish. "I thought about that, but dicided after much thought, that the scars on my wrists don't need any company, so Tara I need you to phone the police for me, I would but I'm having trouble walking at this moment" Dranzer gave him the 'NO SHIT' look in the back of his mind, "I want you, Takahashi to keep IT in IT'S room untill the police arrive."  
  
Tara smiled through her tears and ran to find the phone," It's about time" Takahashi said in a voice filled with relief, as he went to make sure the monster stayed in it's study.  
  
"Yes it is" Kai thought wearyly.  
  
TBC?  
  
*****  
  
A/N-  
  
OMG I CAN'T believe I did that to Kai! So. Should I continue and if so what pairing? But you have to admit, when you saw the song Last Resort, you thought he really was going to kill himself. But: 1- That was too pradictable. 2- He's my favorite charater, I'd hate it if he'd have died. And 3- Do you realize how many fans would be after my head if I had killed him???!! 


	2. No Time To Cry

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.  
  
A/N-  
  
Kaori Kaida gave me some of the idea's in sociology class. So 'some' credit goes to her. The fic started in the early afternoon. This chapter starts at around 2pm.  
  
*****  
  
No Time To Cry:  
  
As Takahashi moved down the hall, toward's 'the monsters' room, he heard the shatter of glass. Takahashi flung open the door to discover that one of the windows, that go from about a foot off the floor to pretty close to the ceiling, had been pushed out, and there was no sign of the monster, inside or outside. Tara ran in and looked like she was going to start crying again, because the monster who had hurt the person who was like a son to her, had gotten away. At this moment Kai managed to limp in, and survayed the situation.  
  
"I should of know that it wouldn't be so easy."  
  
*****  
  
  
  
At the park playground Rei, Tyson, Max,and Kenny were bored.  
  
"I'm soooo bored" Tyson said hanging upside down on the monkey bars.  
  
"We know Tyson" Rei said not looking up from the newspaper he was currently reading.  
  
"Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored...." Tyson began chanting.  
  
"WE KNOW!" Max, Rei, and Kenny yelled at Tyson, sucessfully startling him enough to make him shut up.  
  
Tyson started to say something when the sirens were heard. Police car after police car and even an ambulance went racing by on the road.  
  
"Ooh lights, pretty" Tyson said staring transfixed at the passing police cars. (A/N- That is SO Kaori's line, she would SO say something like that. -_-;;;;;)  
  
Rei, Max, and Kenny facefaulted.  
  
"I wonder if their escorting something valuble.......LIKE FOOD! LET'S GO FIND OUT!" Tyson said excitedly.  
  
Rei rolls up his newspaper and hit's Tyson over the head with it.  
  
"Let's go find out" Max said slightly sweatdropping at Tyson's swirlly eyes.  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Kai now bandaged , by the medics, wearing clean loose fitting clothes, was staring out the window wtching the police talking to the servents and trying to shoo the media away. The going story (the one that he made up for the press, was that there was an attemped break-in. Nothing was taken and noone was hurt, the person who tried to break in ran for it.) was being spread around by the servents and police. Noone from the press was allowed in to interview him. The pity he saw in the looks of the police and medics had been more then enough. Kai sighed and looked , from the shadows, through the closed curtians, outside and swore. The rest of the bladebreakers had just shown up.  
  
'And here I thought my day couldn't get any worse. Go away guys! Not now!' Kai thought urgently, willing them to turn around and leave.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
"Awwwwwwww! No food!" Tyson said looking around.  
  
"Hey, isn't this Kai's house?" Kenny said, looking at the mansion.  
  
Max spotted someone who looked like a butler, and walks over to him.  
  
"While were here can we see Kai?" Max questioned.  
  
"I'm sorry, but that's impossible, Master Kai is busy dodging those pesky reporters." Takahashi said pointing behind them.  
  
The bladebreakers minus one, turned to see other servents, (Tara among them, swatting with a broom) trying to fend off the camra's and reports, stopping them from getting in the house. The police starting to drag some of them off also. A couple moments later , with the police cruisers full, all the media personle who chose to be stubbron, were carted off.  
  
"The media's gone now" Kenny said  
  
"Can we see him now?" Rei asked looking back toward the butler.  
  
"I apolagize but Master Kai must be exuasted from this day's event's....." Takahashi started.  
  
"But we're his TEAMMATES!: Tyson protested.  
  
" I APOLAGIZE for the inconvinance but unless you remove yourself from the premisies right now the police will be resummoned." Takahashi replide slightly annoyed that he was interupted.  
  
Tyson growled in defeat.  
  
"We should go Tyson" Max said  
  
"Come on, we'll phone him or something later" Rei coxed  
  
" Let's go Tyson" Kenny said, tugging on Tyson's arm.  
  
"Fine, but we'll phone to find out what's going on when we get back to my house" Tyson said finally, turning and walking away.  
  
*****  
  
Kai watched them leave through the curtains. Bruises only slightly visible in the near darkness of the room.  
  
"They can never know."  
  
*****  
  
It's just a feeling  
  
I get sometimes  
  
A feeling  
  
Sometimes  
  
And I get frightened  
  
Just like you  
  
I get frightened too  
  
but it's...  
  
  
  
(no no no) No time for heartache  
  
(no no no) No time to run and hide  
  
(no no no) No time for breaking down  
  
(no no no) No time to cry  
  
Sometimes in the world as is you've  
  
Got to shake the hand that feeds you  
  
It's just like Adam says  
  
It's not so hard to understand  
  
It's just like always coming down on  
  
Just like Jesus never came and  
  
What did you expect to find  
  
It's just like always here again it's...  
  
(no no no) No time for heartache  
  
(no no no) No time to run and hide  
  
(no no no) No time for breaking down  
  
(no no no) No time to cry  
  
Everything will be alright  
  
Everything will turn out fine  
  
Some nights I still can't sleep  
  
And the voices pass with time  
  
And I keep  
  
Everything will be alright  
  
Everything will turn out fine  
  
Some nights I still can't sleep  
  
And the voices pass with time  
  
And I keep  
  
No time for tears  
  
No time to run and hide  
  
No time to be afraid of fear  
  
I keep no time to cry  
  
~ No time to cry (Cradle of Filth)  
  
  
  
TBC?  
  
*****  
  
A/N-  
  
Before you ask.  
  
#1- Kai doesn't want anyone to know and the media would print million's of copies of it.  
  
#2- He doesn't want anyone to see him because of his bruises and gashes. (would you like to try to explain that?)  
  
#3- Rei is staying at Tyson's, the bladebreakers are resting for a week or two untill the next tournement.  
  
And  
  
#4- Kai is a usually a 'grit your teeth and bear it' person, that's why he said they can never know. 


	3. I Want To Vanish

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, don't you get that yet?  
  
A/N-  
  
Yay! I'm the big 16!!!!^_____^ Just wanted to say thanks for your reviews, everyone. ^-^ I decided on a pairing. But It's a suprise.........you;ll never guess.........it's never been done before................i got the idea from Yu-Gi-Oh fan fics......................come on I know you people can guess.............................................that's right! Dranzer (Humanoid)/Kai!!!!!!!!!!!! New or what? LOL. You should see your faces people! ^-^ I apoligize to the people who wanted other pairings. Tell you guys what if you want I'll write a diffrent one with a Kai/Rei pairing, hey, maybe even a Kai/Tyson. How does that sound? Miss Scarlet? (don't yell, don't yell) I'll write your Kai/Rei soon! ^-^;  
  
*****  
  
I Want To Vanish:  
  
Kai lay in bed trying to rest from the days events. But he just couldn't get comfortable. Not with the monster loose still. He felt like he was losing everthing, and he couldn't remember when he didn't feel like this. Nothing seemed to ever go right for him and as far as he could figure out it never would.  
  
"Don't give in, Kai"  
  
Kai felt the comforting voice in the back of his mind from Dranzer, the only thing that kept him going.  
  
"It just won't go away, Dranzer, why wont it leave me be? I believe I must of did something horrible in my past life" Kai replied wrapping his arms around his legs, ignoring the pain that shot through his body dispite the pain killers.  
  
"What wont?" Dranzer asked appearing in his *humanoid form (minus his wings) beside Kai.  
  
"Life" Kai replied dully, his voice slightly muffled, his face against his knees.  
  
Dranzer sighed and gently pulled Kai into a hug, wrapping his arms around the trembling figure. Kai tensed for a second on instinct. Then relaxed, just a bit, in Dranzers hold.  
  
Dranzer heard Kai saying something but could quite hear it. He concentrated on the words. Once he realized what Kai was saying he tightened his hold on Kai massaging Kai's tense back softly, not wanting to hurt him anymore then he already was, but also wanting to give as much comfort as he could.  
  
/I want to vanish  
  
This is my fondest wish  
  
To go where I cannot be captured  
  
Laid on a decorated dish  
  
Even in splendor this curious fate  
  
Is more than I care to surrender  
  
Now it's too late  
  
Whether in wonder or indecent haste  
  
You arrange the mirrors and the spools  
  
To snare the rare and precious jewels  
  
That were only made of paste  
  
If you should stumble upon my last remark  
  
I'm crying in the wilderness  
  
I'm trying my best to make it dark  
  
How can I tell you I'm rarer than most  
  
I'm certain as a lost dog  
  
Pondering a sign post  
  
  
  
I want to vanish  
  
This is my last request  
  
I've given you the awful truth  
  
Now give me my rest/  
  
Kai finished the song softly, not even fully realizing he had been singing, feeling his tense back muscles start to relax and the dull pain from his injuries starting to fade from Dranzers warmth. Slowly he drifted to sleep, comfroted by Dranzers protective presince.  
  
Dranzer smiled sadly at him. After all he had been through he still managed to look innocent while he slept. Anger flashed in his eyes as he thought of the monster that had hurt the one he loved with his soul. If that 'thing' ever even *thought* about coming *near* Kai again, it wouldn't *live* to regret it.  
  
TBC?  
  
*****  
  
A/N-  
  
* For a discription of Dranzers humanoid form read 'Ice Roses and Crystal Tears'  
  
Sorry about the short chapter. (not my fault! I'm having an off day! ^- ^;;;;;) 


	4. It's Been Awhile

Disclaimer: Don't own anything here, sorry people who want to sue but it's pointless!  
  
A/N-  
  
Thank you all who reviewed! Please continue doing so! ^-^  
  
More Kai angst though in this chapter. T-T poor Kai.  
  
*****  
  
"It's Been A While"  
  
*****  
  
Dranzer looked down at Kai sleeping somewhat peacefully, for once in...............a very long time. Dranzer sighed, he couldn't help Kai if he didn't let him. How was he supposed to convince the most stubbon person in the world that he needs to give up his ice god act before it kills him?  
  
~*~  
  
Kai opened one eye and noticed Dranzer staring out the window at the setting sun.  
  
"Good, your awake, I was begining to get worried." Dranzer said turning from the window.  
  
"....." Kai didn't say anything as he started to get out of the bed, wincing as he struggled into a semi-sitting position. Dranzer quickly walked over and gently pushed him back into a laying position.  
  
"You still need to take it easy. Your not invincible."  
  
Kai glared at him, suddenly irritated. "And *you* are not my keeper!"  
  
Dranzer felt like he had been slapped. Then his eyes narrowed. "I *am* your protecter and I will not allow you to kill your self! You are *not* a god, what makes you think everything revolves around you!?"  
  
"At least I wasn't dumb enough to be sealed in a beyblade!" Kai shot back.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you anyway? Someone trys to help you and you throw thier concern right back at them! You know what. Screw it, I give up. Your impossible to reach," Dranzer said angirly staring straight into Kai's eyes, "and you deserved EVERYTHING you got done to you!" With that Dranzer dissapeared in a flash of red light.  
  
Kai stared at were Dranzer was last standing in shock, Dranzer had attacked his pride without meaning to, and he went on the defencive. Kai pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. To make matters worse Kai new Dranzer was right. He was impossible, but his pride, no matter how few scraps that he may have left, was the only real thing he had left. That was the only thing he had left to cling onto, he was too weak, so he had everyhting else taken from him, and, like Dranzer had said, deserved it all. Show no fear, show no pain, weakness is the worst sin there is.  
  
Now that Dranzer hated him....................  
  
'What have I done?'  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I could hold my head up high  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I first saw you  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I could stand on my own two feet again  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I could call you  
  
And everything I can't remember  
  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
  
The consequences that I've rendered  
  
I've stretched myself beyond my means  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I can say I love myself as well  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you  
  
And everything I can't remember  
  
As fucked up as it all may seem  
  
The consequences that I've rendered  
  
I've gone and fucked things up again  
  
Why must I feel this way?  
  
Just make this go away  
  
Just one* peaceful day!  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I could look at myself straight  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I said I'm sorry  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
But I can still remember just the way you taste  
  
And everything I can't remember  
  
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me  
  
I cannot blame this on my protector**  
  
He did the best he could for me  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I could hold my head up high  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I said I'm sorry  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
A/N-  
  
Poor Kai, it just seems to get worse for him doesn't it?  
  
* and **- I had to change the words a little bit. Take out one and change father into protecter. ^_~  
  
PLEASE REVIEW! 


	5. Forgive Me

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this at all, no characters any songs no nothing.  
  
A/N-  
  
I'm sorry for the long time since the last update. I have ideas but they aren't flowing together well. I'm also sorry about the short chapters; I'll try to fix that. But on a good note, I got a NEW computer! ^_^ *does a little happy dance around the room* Oh and before I forget I decided to use the term 'soul room' in this for the room Dranzer has in Kai's beyblade, I couldn't think of anything else to call it.  
  
(For 'Harry Potter' slash (Draco/Harry) Pairings, Read 'Perfect Potter' by Ixi, It's on of the best stories!) (The Dark corridor - although I'm not really positive if it's Slash. (I also kind of forgot the name of the other- oops my bad) is REALLY good also!)  
  
On with the story!  
  
Forgive Me: **************************************************************************** **  
  
'My life is hell' Kai was curled up on his bed staring at the wall, purposely ignoring the phone that refused to shut up. He had instructed Tara and Takahashi as well as the other servants to let it ring. He didn't want to talk to anyone.  
  
*****  
  
"AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Tyson screamed in frustration, throwing the portable phone across the room, "THEY WONT PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE!!!!!"  
  
"Eep" Max squeaked, dodging the flying phone, as it shattered when it hit the wall.  
  
"TYSON!" Kenny yelled at him, "MY PHONE!"  
  
"Oops, Sorry about that Chief" Tyson said one hand behind his head.  
  
Rei sweatdropped, and poked at the phone pieces, "I believe its dead."  
  
"Now we'll never get a hold of Kai." Max said, surveying the dead phone.  
  
"Do we go back to his house?" Dizzy questioned.  
  
Tyson looked at the clock and sighed, "No, not today."  
  
*****  
  
Dranzer paced the room in which his soul was trapped, a scowl on his face.  
  
Why was his counterpart so stubborn?! Why couldn't he accept some help now and then?  
  
Dranzer stopped pacing and sighed, running a hand through his hair, he was starting to feel guilty about what he had said to Kai, he really hadn't meant it at all, but Kai had just gotten him so upset..  
  
'Life is hell' Dranzer thought to himself holding his head.  
  
*****  
  
Kai rolled over on his side and looked at the door when he heard a knock.  
  
"Yes?" Kai called, and then flinched as he heard how weak his voice sounded.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Tara asked as she walked into his room.  
  
"For some strange reason I feel like being honest...I feel like I want to die. To just kill myself and get it over with." Kai replied, looking at Tara with broken eyes but monotone voice.  
  
"Master Kai, please don't say that!" Tara pleaded.  
  
"I believe," Kai stated, in the same dead voice, "it would be in all your interests, if you all go. If you all just leave. I'll pay you what I owe you and give you bonuses and whatnot, but it would be best if you all.... Just..go."  
  
Tara looked stricken. "But master Kai!"  
  
Kai turned over again so that he was facing away from her, "I'm sorry, I really am, but please.just leave me be."  
  
"But."  
  
"GO!" Kai yelled as he sat up, "don't you understand Tara? I'm cursed! I hurt everyone close to me! I don't want that to happen to any of you! I care about you guys way to much for that!...."Kai trailed off as he fell back on the bed, and then spoke again quietly, "I already lost Dranzer."  
  
*****  
  
Dranzer looked up abruptly. He was sure he had heard something. Wait..wait a minute....that was..Kai's voice! Dranzer listened closer.  
  
"Don't you understand Tara? I'm cursed! I hurt everyone close to me! I don't want that to happen to any of you! I care about you guys way to much for that!...."Kai's voice trailed off and then spoke again quietly, "I already lost Dranzer."  
  
Dranzer sat stunned, then shot up, making himself materialize beside Kai's bed.  
  
"Kai."  
  
*****  
  
"Dranzer?" Kai said looking confused at the phoenix spirit.  
  
Dranzer glanced at Tara who got the hint and excused herself from the room.  
  
Kai and Dranzer just stared at each other.  
  
"I'm sorry" they both said at the same time, then looked up startled.  
  
"What? Why?" Again in unison.  
  
Kai sighed, this was getting them nowhere.  
  
"Do you want to go first or should I?" Dranzer asked  
  
"You can" Kai replied, settling back on his bed.  
  
"Ok. I want to apologize for the things I said before; I never meant any of them, " Dranzer started, before Kai interrupted him.  
  
"But they're TRUE! I deserved all of it! Everything that happened! Al.." Kai said sitting up again.  
  
Now it was Dranzer's turn to interrupted, he reached out and cupped Kai's face in the palm of his hand, slightly hurt when Kai flinched.  
  
"Sorry" Kai said when he saw the hurt in Dranzers eyes; oh how he hated causing so much pain to those he loved.  
  
Dranzer removed his palm from Kai's face, and pulled him close, into a hug. "Don't be."  
  
Kai was tense for a moment then relaxed, in Dranzers grasp.  
  
"Can you ever forgive me Dranzer?" Kai asked, his voice slightly muffled by Dranzers chest.  
  
Dranzer held him tighter "Always. Please hang in there Kai, it'll all be all right. One day." "  
  
Kai yawned tired from everything that had happened. "Perhaps."  
  
Dranzer looked down at the figure that was fighting sleep. "Sleep now, you need rest."  
  
Kai sighed, "Promise me..."  
  
"I'll be here when you wake up," Dranzer soothed.  
  
Kai shook his head. "Promise me you won't let me wake up."  
  
  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
/There's nothing to me now.  
  
An empty shell unfolded.  
  
How, when we learn to pray inside our demons are laughing.  
  
How long will this go on?  
  
Are we a bit much stronger?  
  
Do you think you can save me from living this way?  
  
I don't know how to love.  
  
I just know how to live.  
  
All I feel is hate.  
  
Will you forgive me?  
  
For all those things I've done, they keep on creeping by me.  
  
And though we've changed our ways...  
  
Still all our demons are laughing.  
  
How long will this go on?  
  
Aren't we a bit much stronger?  
  
I'd like to think you've came into my life to stay.  
  
I don't know how to love.  
  
I just know how to live.  
  
All I feel is hate.  
  
Will you forgive me?  
  
I don't know how to breathe with you too far away.  
  
Don't know how to love.  
  
Will you forgive me?  
  
No, I can't live this way!  
  
I don't know how to love.  
  
I just know how to live.  
  
All I feel is pain.  
  
Will you forgive me?  
  
I don't know how to breathe with you too far away.  
  
I don't know how to love.  
  
Past lives I've lived.  
  
Uncontrolled but sacred.  
  
You've finally seen all that's left of me.  
  
So hard to see.  
  
So hard to breathe.  
  
Will you forgive me? /  
  
  
  
*****  
  
TBC? 


	6. I'm Still Here

Disclaimer: I own nothing at all, it's pointless to sue me.  
  
A/N-  
  
My rapidly updating skills need work. I know. -_-;;;;;;  
  
  
  
On with the story. (AKA- Run, run NOW!)  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
I'm Still Here  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Dranzer sat thinking on the bed next to Kai's sleeping form, stroking the others hair. Why was life so messed up for his counter part? Were the gods so mean that they would torture a innocent person for their own amusement? As Dranzer mused, silent tears made their way down Dranzer's face, but he was too busy thinking to notice.  
  
Dranzer blinked out of his trace as he felt something wet fall onto his hand. Looking at the silverfish tear he brought his hand unsteadily towards his cheek and touched the wet rivulets that they had caused.  
  
"I can cry? I haven't ever before..." Dranzer quietly said to himself, slight confusion on his face.  
  
As Dranzer begins to muse again, Kai takes that moment to open one eye.  
  
  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
'I wonder if Dranzer knows he's muttering to himself? Although I can't place the language must be some kind of phoenix language, it's nice though.' Kai thought to himself listening to Dranzer talk to himself.  
  
Although when Dranzer stopped and moved his hand away from Kai's hair, Kai felt some of Dranzer's emotions. Worry started to well up in his stomach as he opened one eye and noticed the silent tears still making their way down Dranzer's face.  
  
Not quite show what to do but knowing he has to do something, Kai moves and rolls over slightly, so his head is in Dranzer's lap, and wrapped his arms around his others waist.  
  
Dranzer looks down startled, and was about to say something when he was cut off by a slightly muffled voice.  
  
"You looked like you need a hug, it was the least I could do" Kai said as he felt Dranzer's arms encircle around him. But couldn't help but wince as he pulled himself into Dranzer's lap pulling the human fire phoenix in a more proper hug, the movement aggravating his injuries.  
  
Dranzer sighed mentally and tilted Kai's head back lightly so that they were looking into each other's eyes. "Phoenix's have healing properties. I can heal you, if you want me to, Kai. I don't want you to be in pain anymore, it painful to me to have to watch and do nothing. But you have to trust me Kai.."  
  
Kai looked into Dranzer's eyes strongly, wide awake and searching, seeming to find what he was looking for he nodded slightly. Then leaned in close to Dranzer's ear and whispers softly, "I've always trusted you, more then I even trust myself."  
  
Kai's eyes met Dranzer's confirming everything they felt.  
  
Dranzer gently leaned in, brushing his lips against Kai's, before kissing them with light pressure. Kai responded to the warmth of his counter part. Dranzer nibbled lightly at Kai's bottom lip, licking it a bit to get Kai to open his mouth slightly.  
  
As Dranzer engaged him in a passionate kiss, Kai could feel Dranzer's warmth spreading over his various injuries and soothing away the pain from them.  
  
Kai relax slightly in Dranzer's embrace, when all of a sudden the door to his room opened with a bang. They both jump and looked over towards it.  
  
Kai paled.  
  
There in the doorway stood the monster that had escaped from the house and police. And it had a gun trained on them.  
  
"Now what do we have hear?" It mused in an almost sadistic voice.  
  
  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
  
  
/I am a question to the world,  
  
Not an answer to be heard.  
  
All a moment that's held in your arms.  
  
And what do you think you'd ever say?  
  
I don't listen anyway.  
  
You ignore me,  
  
And I'll never be what you want me to be.  
  
And what do you think you'd understand?  
  
I'm a boy, not a man.  
  
You can take me and throw me away.  
  
And how can you learn what's never shown?  
  
Yeah, you stand here all alone.  
  
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.  
  
And I want a moment to be real,  
  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
  
And how can the world want me to change,  
  
They're the ones that stay the same.  
  
The don't know me,  
  
'Cause I'm not here.  
  
And you see the things they never see  
  
All you wanted, I could be  
  
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid  
  
And I wanna tell you who I am  
  
Can you help me be a man?  
  
They can break me  
  
As long as I know who I am  
  
And I want a moment to be real,  
  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
  
And how can the world want me to change,  
  
They're the ones that stay the same.  
  
They can't see me,  
  
But I'm still here.  
  
They can't tell me who to be,  
  
'Cause I'm not what they see.  
  
And the world is still sleepin',  
  
While I keep on dreamin' for me.  
  
And they'll want to just whispers,  
  
And lies that I'll never believe.  
  
And I want a moment to be real,  
  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
  
And how can the world want me to change,  
  
They're the ones that stay the same.  
  
I'm the one now,  
  
'Cause I'm still here.  
  
I'm the one,  
  
'Cause I'm still here.  
  
I'm still here.  
  
I'm still here.  
  
I'm still here./  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
  
TBC?  
  
  
  
***** 


	7. Invincible

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nothing at all!!! T-T  
*****  
Invincible  
*****  
"Now what do we have here?"  
  
Dranzer sprang up to station himself between this monster and Kai, launching an attack at the smirking Voltaire.  
  
To Kai's and Dranzer's surprise, Voltaire held out what looked like a crystal that seemed to absorb Dranzer's attack. Dranzer wavered slightly, all of a sudden feeling exhausted, both from healing Kai and the crystal absorbing his energy.  
  
The crystal started glowing as it finished its task.  
  
"You don't look well Dranzer" Voltaire stated in a mock concerned voice, "perhaps you should have this back!"  
  
Dranzer barely had time to blink before he was hit with his own energy, the force of impact making him fall to his knees.  
  
"DRANZER!" Kai yelled concerned more for the figure on his knees, then for himself, and what the monster was probably going to do to him.  
  
Everything started to happen extremely fast after that.  
  
Takahashi ran into the room, with Tara close behind, after the noise from the impact died away.  
  
Voltaire spun around, firing at the person who dared to interrupt him.  
  
Tara screamed as the bullet struck home lodging it's self in Takahashi's shoulder, and ran to his fallen form.  
  
Voltaire glares at the two of them,"I'll take care of you later!" he hiss's at the shaken forms.  
  
Voltaire turns his glare on his grandson and bit beast.  
  
"You should've just let it all be." Voltaire said, looking at the prone form of the phoenix spirit.  
  
Dranzer was having trouble focusing; the crystal was absorbing his energy again. "And let you use Kai for your own sick pleasure? Never." He managed to rasp out, as he tried to lighten his darkening vision.  
  
"Too bad, you could've been strong." Voltaire said raising the gun, and pointing at him.  
  
"I am strong, I belong to Kai." Dranzer replied weakly, trying to muster up any strength at all.  
  
*****  
  
'Dranzer' Kai thought shocked out of the semi-stupor he had been in.  
  
*****  
The monster let out a bark of laughter," Kai is weak."  
  
'Dranzer's head snapped up with surprising strength, "Kai is far stronger then anyone I have ever known, and way stronger then *you*"  
  
Dranzer fell forward, his hands shot out to hold himself up.  
  
Voltaire's glare returned with full force. "It's time to die, phoenix. You have no energy left, you will not be reborn."  
  
With that, he focused with the gun, and fired.  
  
Dranzer closed his eyes, 'I'm sorry Kai, and I've failed you.'  
*****  
  
Time seemed to slow to a crawl.  
  
The shot was fired, Kai heard the bang.  
  
'I'm sorry Kai, I've failed you.'  
  
Kai's eyes widened as Dranzer's voice echoed in his head.  
  
He knew what he had to do.  
  
*****  
  
Dranzer opened his eyes, when he felt no pain. The said eyes growing larger, as he took in the scene before him.  
  
Kai was standing with his back to the monster, red liquid seeping through and staining the front of his shirt, his garnet eyes wide in shock and pain. Kai's arms dropped as he started to fall forward, his knees giving out as gravity took its course.  
  
Dranzer caught him before he hit the unforgiving ground. Cradling the pale form in his arms, blood soaking his outfit, not caring how exhausted he was. The other was far more important.  
  
"Kai, can you hear me? Kai?" Dranzer questioned worriedly, applying pressure to Kai's chest.  
  
"Dra..zer.?" Kai asked weakly.  
  
Dranzer looked, and felt, like he was going to cry, he didn't like how his other was breathing, "I'm right here, Kai, hold on for me, Okay?"  
  
Kai tried to reply, but was forced to gasp and shudder as a wave of intense pain ran through his body.  
  
Voltaire looked at the scene before him,......and laughed.  
  
"So the mighty Dranzer, the great phoenix spirit is in love with a human! A weak one at that!"  
  
Dranzer glared at the laughing figure and growled something not so nice in an ancient language.  
  
Voltaire stopped laughing and returned Dranzer's glare, "Those who love together get to die together!"  
  
With that he release the energy the crystal had sapped from Dranzer, at the two on the floor.  
  
Dranzer reacted faster, wanting only to protect the bundle in his arms, putting himself overtop of Kai, taking the energy blast.  
  
"You always were stubborn" Voltaire said frowning as he saw both their chest still moving, as faint as they were.  
  
He held up the crystal preparing to repeat the process again, when all of a sudden was tackled to the side, by none other then Tara.  
  
The crystal was knocked out of Voltaire's hand; and fell through the air and shattering on the floor.  
  
Tara was promptly backhanded into the dresser.  
  
Now that the crystal was shattered, Dranzer's strength started to come back to him.  
  
Dranzer glared at the thing trying to get to it's fallen gun. An evil smirk crossing his face.  
  
Voltaire reached for the gun, discarded on the floor, then quickly yanked his hand back as a red energy ball exploded in the spot were his hand had been a split second earlier.  
  
He spun towards the phoenix spirit who kneeled, holding Kai in his arms.  
  
Dranzer eyes, that were full of absolute hatred and anger, started glowing in an eerie gold color.  
  
Voltaire didn't even have time to scream as a bright gold flash filled the room, forcing Tara and Takahashi to cover their eyes.  
  
When they were able to open them, there was no sign of the monster.  
  
Tara and Takahashi smiled. It was gone.  
  
Their smile fell though as Dranzer's anguished voice reached them. "Kai?......................KAI?!"  
  
They looked abruptly to were the other two had been, Takahashi wincing at the pain in his shoulder, and paled.  
  
Dranzer was holding Kai in his arms, looking down at the other, crimson liquid all over both of them and starting to pool around the two, frantically trying to find any trace that he was alive.  
  
"KAI!" Dranzer yelled, shaking the other slightly, Kai gave no indication that he had even heard him. "Please......Kai......DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Tears did fall this time, from Dranzer, from Tara, from Takahashi.  
*****  
/This bloody road remains a mystery  
  
This sudden darkness fills the air  
  
What are we waiting for?  
  
Won't anybody help us?  
  
What are we waiting for?  
  
We can't afford to be innocent  
  
Stand up and face the enemy  
  
It's a do or die situation  
  
We will be invincible  
  
This shattered dream you cannot justify  
  
We're gonna scream until we're satisfied  
  
What are we running for?  
  
We've got the right to be angry  
  
What are we running for?  
  
When there's nowhere we can run to anymore  
  
We can't afford to be innocent  
  
Stand up and face the enemy  
  
It's a do or die situation  
  
We will be invincible  
  
And with the power of conviction  
  
There is no sacrifice  
  
It's a do or die situation  
  
We will be invincible  
  
Won't anybody help us?  
  
What are we running for?  
  
When there's nowhere, nowhere we can run to anymore  
  
We can't afford to be innocent  
  
Stand up and face the enemy  
  
It's a do or die situation  
  
We will be invincible  
  
And with the power of conviction  
  
There is no sacrifice  
  
It's a do or die situation  
  
We will be invincible  
  
Yeah (We can't afford to be innocent)  
  
Yeah, yeah (Stand up and face the enemy)  
  
(It's a do-or-die situation)  
  
(We will be invincible)  
  
Oo-ooh, yeah, yeah (We can't afford to be innocent)  
  
Yeah (Stand up and face the enemy)  
  
Yeah, yeah (It's a do-or-die situation)  
  
(We will be invincible)/  
*****  
  
TBC?  
  
***** 


	8. Forget My Name

1Disclaimer: I own nothing!  
  
A/N-  
  
Since so many of you said you didn't want Kai to die (Hey, I rhymed! *gets hit with a random flying shoe* @-@) I decided to let him live......  
  
Sorry about the *really really really really really (times infinity squared)* slow update. *sheepish look*  
  
Oh well, neh?  
  
Last chapter.  
  
*****  
  
Forget my name:  
  
*****  
  
The first thing Kai was aware of was the pain. He opened his eyes and blinked as they tried to adjust to the light.  
  
"Kai?" a voice to his right questioned softly.  
  
Kai focused his gaze over to his right to see Dranzer. He did a double take.  
  
"Dranzer?"  
  
Dranzer chuckled slightly at his reaction. While Kai was out they had called for an ambulance and because they didn't want to explain about Dranzer, he decided that he would use an even more human form. So sitting next to Kai was a teenager, looking to be about seventeen, eighteen, with shorter red hair and gold eyes, wearing a red long sleeved shirt and blue jeans.  
  
"You had us worried." Dranzer said sobering.  
  
"How did I get here?" Kai asked struggling to sit up before wincing a bit as a jolt of pain from the bullet wound on his chest coursed through his body.  
  
"After you passed out and I got rid of 'it' Tara called for an ambulance." Dranzer answered, helping Kai into a sitting position.  
  
Just then the door opened, and Tara, followed by Takahashi, walked in, Takahashi having his arm and shoulder in a sling.  
  
"Master Kai!" Tara called as she saw him awake.  
  
"We're so glad you're alright!" Takahashi said smiling.  
  
"Thank you, both of you, but please don't call me that. It's just Kai." Kai said granting them a small smile.  
  
Hs smile grew almost sad as he gazed at the people who were always there for him.  
  
"Kai?" Dranzer asked, worried.  
  
Kai just squeezed Dranzer's hand lightly and tilted his head up to regard the two before him.  
  
"I want you to have the house." He finally stated.  
  
The reaction was instantaneous.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"I want you to take the house." Kai said quite calmly, "I'm not going back, I do not want anything in it. I owe you two a lot for everything, "he continued on before anyone could protest about the owing part, "I *want* you two to have it."  
  
"But..." Tara started.  
  
"Where will you go?" Takahashi asked.  
  
Kai smiled, a soft tolerant smile, no one had ever seen him wear before. "I honestly don't know yet."  
  
"What about your team?" Dranzer asked, having been silent during this time, taking it all in.  
  
Kai seemed to think about it. "They'll be fine." He finally decided on saying before regaining that smile, "They'll be champions." He added with conviction, but paused after saying that, his smile fading. "What about you Dranzer?"  
  
Dranzer looked remarkably like a deer caught in headlights. "What....? What do you mean?"  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
Dranzer stretched slightly, reached over and clasped his hands with Kai's. "I want what you want, I'm happy when you're happy. You want a change of scenery; I say 'Let's go'."  
  
Kai chuckled a bit, before everyone looked at the door startled, Kai's doctor running in and closing it behind him. A lot of voices yelling in the hallway.  
  
Sweatdropping slightly as he saw he was the center of everyone in the room's attention the doctor cleared his throat lightly.  
  
"Ah, Mr. Hiwatari, I see you're awake. That's good." The doctor began, only to be cut off by Kai.  
  
"What's going on out there?"  
  
"It seems the blasted media got wind of the fact that Kai Hiwatari was shot and in the hospital and now it's being aired all over. The people yelling out there are the reporters, police, and your teammates, who came down here after they heard what had happened." The doctor explained.  
  
"What do they know?" Kai asked weary.  
  
"Who? The media or your teammates?"  
  
"Both." Kai answered.  
  
"Well, they both only know that you were shot and in the hospital," the poor stressed doctor said before quickly adding at the almost evil look the red haired 'teen' gave him, "nothing else!"  
  
Kai sighed ad placed his head in his hands for a moment.  
  
"Uhh, sir? What should I tell them? Do you want to see anyone or...?"  
  
"Tell them I'm dead." Came the muffled answer.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Kai lifted his head and looked the doctor straight in the eye. "Tell them I'm dead."  
  
"But,..."  
  
"Just do it. You'll be paid well for it." Kai said all business.  
  
The doctor sighed and rubbed his temples.  
  
"Alright." With that he turned and headed to the door preparing for the amount of people out there and what he was going to say. He paused for a moment at the door and tossed a "Good luck, and I hope you know what your doing", over his shoulder before resuming his gate out the door, closing it again behind him.  
  
It was a few minutes before anyone said anything.  
  
The corridors outside his locked hospital room door were silent as well, before the noise came back with vengeance.  
  
The four of them in the room tuned it out as it became harder and harder to recognize any thing they heard. It all blending together.  
  
Kai turned to the two eldest in the room leaning against Dranzer before he helped him up.  
  
"I guess this is it." Kai said softly as Dranzer went to fetch his clothes.  
  
Tara nodded teary before hugging him.  
  
"Take care of yourself." Takahashi added as Tara let go and he hugged him.  
  
"I will."  
  
"He will." Dranzer added coming up behind him and handing him some clothes.  
  
"That goes for you to Dranzer." Tara said with a little laugh.  
  
Dranzer blinked, "Yes Ma'am."  
  
Everyone had a good chuckle at that.  
  
"Visit." Tara called back just as they slipped out of the room.  
  
"I will!" he called after them.  
  
He pulled on his clothes, wincing lightly, and discarded his hospital gown, before he turned to Dranzer.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
Dranzer nodded and opened the window. They were on the top floor, but what was that to a phoenix?  
  
Picking Kai up he quickly got them to the roof, before transforming back into his phoenix form. The great phoenix 'bowed' in a sense and let Kai get on him, and then they were off. To were? Who knows? Somewhere new. Where they could start over.  
  
A crimson shooting star across the night sky.  
  
*****  
  
/tell all my friends I'm dead  
  
I'm leaving you, this time it's for good  
  
tell all my friends that I'm dead  
  
it won't be long before you forget my name  
  
can you tell  
  
that I'm losing myself  
  
I think I'm trying too hard to  
  
let it show  
  
to let you know  
  
so trace your footsteps back to me  
  
cause I've been gone for a long time  
  
waiting on the sidelines  
  
hoping for a chance to play  
  
well I thought I would never leave anything behind  
  
I also never thought I'd say  
  
tell all my friends I'm dead  
  
I'm leaving you, this time its for good  
  
tell all my friends that I'm dead  
  
it won't be long before you forget my name  
  
can you tell  
  
that I don't know myself  
  
I need someone to remind me  
  
to let it go  
  
please let me know  
  
so trace your footsteps back to me  
  
cause I've been gone for a long time  
  
waiting on the sidelines  
  
hoping for a chance to play  
  
well I thought I would never leave anything behind  
  
I also never thought I'd say  
  
tell all my friends I'm dead  
  
I'm leaving you, this time its for good  
  
tell all my friends that I'm dead  
  
it won't be long before you forget my name  
  
and if I had the chance  
  
to do it all again  
  
I wouldn't expect anything less  
  
and if I had the chance  
  
to do it all again  
  
I wouldn't expect  
  
I wouldn't expect anything less  
  
tell all my friends I'm dead  
  
I'm leaving you, this time its for good  
  
tell all my friends that I'm dead  
  
it won't be long before you forget my name  
  
Forget my name/  
  
*****  
  
~End~  
  
*****  
  
A/N-  
  
Finally! Finished!! Rejoice! Lo. Anyway, besides the *really* bad ending, what do you peoples think? Good? Bad? Indifferent? Cookie?  
  
Please Review! (\ /)  
=^-^=  
  
() () 


End file.
